You're the master of the three pitch at-bat
and undisputed king of hustle.
You'd lose a fight to a toddler
because you have no muscle.
You're pale like an albino
and resemble some kind of imp.
You have the the throwing arm of a six-year-old girl
and the mobility of a blimp.
If I wanted to build an offense
based on grounding out,
the way you keep the defense on their toes
would get you on my team without a doubt.
You might not steal bases
and you go deep but once a year,
but your consistent scrappy play
makes one thing abundantly clear...
If I want the ultimate ballplayer,
the kind to make my team shine,
I know exactly who I would choose.
My new starting shortstop......... Hanley Ramirez.
But you were definitely within the top one million.